This is one of those days when, apart from i cannot find the time to write, i CANNOT STAND my own writing. I am once again, haunted by the wide white space, the whiteness of the white the blankness of the blank.
My writing mentor said i should be writing now, especially that there's a new news.
In the jeepney, while shuttling between kid's enrollment, his doctor visit and my over-demanding job, i can't help wishing i was childless. all the stagemothers are gonna hate me now. but honestly, if i didn't get accidentally pregnant, i would prefer being childless. there are many, many, many, countless and millions of possibilities of great things i could probably do if i was without a child. for one, it has been a habit to write, tinker a bit with my pen and my journal before i went to bed but since having a child, that certainly becomes out of the question. And because i've never really been a housemaker, i am always offended being reminded by my primary obligation as a mother-to-a-child, despite the fact that i cannot choose between not working and working. not working is out of the question because i need the money. and i would rather hire a thousand maids to look after my kid that give up my job just to look after him and follow him around. i won't do it even if you pay me.
so being childless remains but a dream.
And because i come from a family where cancer is a staple, i cannot indulge in what all modern women subscribe to: the miracle that is modern contraception. Well, there's always the option for tubal ligation but i am not really ready to go under the knife yet. I think i would rather abstain from sex than have my insides cut off. i'm very scared of the needles and the scalpel.
In the meantime, i will just be posting pictures, before i puke to death reading what i wrote.
My writing mentor said i should be writing now, especially that there's a new news.
In the jeepney, while shuttling between kid's enrollment, his doctor visit and my over-demanding job, i can't help wishing i was childless. all the stagemothers are gonna hate me now. but honestly, if i didn't get accidentally pregnant, i would prefer being childless. there are many, many, many, countless and millions of possibilities of great things i could probably do if i was without a child. for one, it has been a habit to write, tinker a bit with my pen and my journal before i went to bed but since having a child, that certainly becomes out of the question. And because i've never really been a housemaker, i am always offended being reminded by my primary obligation as a mother-to-a-child, despite the fact that i cannot choose between not working and working. not working is out of the question because i need the money. and i would rather hire a thousand maids to look after my kid that give up my job just to look after him and follow him around. i won't do it even if you pay me.
so being childless remains but a dream.
And because i come from a family where cancer is a staple, i cannot indulge in what all modern women subscribe to: the miracle that is modern contraception. Well, there's always the option for tubal ligation but i am not really ready to go under the knife yet. I think i would rather abstain from sex than have my insides cut off. i'm very scared of the needles and the scalpel.
In the meantime, i will just be posting pictures, before i puke to death reading what i wrote.
