old notes.

07 June

(can you believe I don’t put year in my dates? now i can't remember what year this was written.)

 

It’s 3am, I’m on my way to the bus station for a 3-hour trip home. We passed by the 24-hour convenience stop of a gas station…

…I stopped the car and told the driver I’m stopping by the shop – I’m till here. And off the driver goes.

 

24-hour shops are Disneyland to me. Their neon signs are colorful. They always attract my eyes. They have glass walls. I could see through the insides – stalls of potato chips, deli counters, freezer and fridge for cold drinks. They magnetize my senses; make me want to come in and soak in all the nostalgia they offer. 

24-hour shops are queens of the nights. When all the lights have gone out, they’re the only ones that remain standing and vibrant. 

It’s like HOPE in a package. *****(PUTA, kanami sang linya ko nga ni! Genius gid!)***** it’s like the light at the end of the tunnel. It’s like 1am in Malate, I’m out of cigarettes and treading the 300-meter lane to Pick and Pack, passing by the Indian store – where blue seal Marlboro Menthol are sold at not a blue seal price, the Japanese fine dining restaurant, Chinese soup shop, Spanish disco house (but Bogota, I don’t think is Spanish—I learned later it’s the Pegasus of Malate), Pan Pacific hotel and dozens of parked cars. It’s like 1am at Welcome Rotonda, just coming out from a Burger King coffee marathon (8 cups in less than 3 hours, at 12 pesos per cup – fucken beat that!) saying these are the Seinfeld days of our lives. It’s like 5am in Malate, waking up from a bad bad dream and wanting to kill myself but ending at Pick and Pack with potato chips, instant Chinese noodles, beer and cigarettes in my hands. It’s like Saturday nights alone in my room in Malate staring at the big R neon logo of the mall a block from our house. It’s Zoloft. It’s like you.

 

It’s like me making this up because I didn’t actually stop by the convenience store. I went straight to the bus station to catch the 1^st trip home. 

I want to catch the sunrise and the fog in the mountains. 

****** ******* ********

i need to acknowledge the pictures here. they are images of the paintings of my favorite painter, Edward Hopper. the first one is Nighthawks and the second one is Automat. Automat reminds me of Franny, the sister of Zooey. I don't know why. That's how it felt to me the first time i saw it.