since we are on the topic of list, i'd like to share my new year's resolution, a list in itself.
as you can see, being a really good planner i did what every aspiring good planner should do: i made a very SMART list. SMART isn't just anything, it's the magic mnemonic for specific, measurable, attainable, relevant and time-bound. i could also make that better by making it SMARTER, adding evaluate and reevaluate but one year i think is too short to be smarter so i'd better stick to just being SMART.
1. Quit my job. I know. This one might not be very SMART and a little difficult to attain. There is a big possibility i'd fail in this but i'll keep the list handy just in case I forget. I've been trying to make up reasons why having a full-time job is the key to happiness but apparently it isn't. studies show that women/mothers are happier without a full-time job. It's true. Apparently, devoting one's life to motherhood keeps the depression at bay. Proof:
See! Women who quit their work are happier than billionaires! That makes me so depressed now. I'm totally doing life and motherhood wrong. Also, a mother without a job saves the household a lot of income since the mother can do what five nannies and 10 household helps can do. imagine all the savings.I couldn't sleep thinking of all those money that could have gone into my children's college fund. i'm so guilty now.
2. Eat more greens. Yeah, i was vegetarian for a while when i was still without children. then son came and all he wants to eat are abodo and pork chops. i felt compelled, even if i know it was very very wrong (just think of all the animals we are killed for this steak!), to serve him these pork, the meat dishes every time. Then i lost my mind and went on with the killing spree by eating the meats alongside my meat devourer son. But I've since "moved" (i am constantly moving, like a hummingbird, or like a bike because bikes need to constantly move so the rider does not fall) to my mother's house i was opportuned with the best things, like my mother's magic garden that sprouts all kinds of greens imaginable. With that, i have no other reason not to eat more greens. if only i could muster doing some actual picking but yes, that has to happen yet. maybe i should change it to "pick my own vegetables" or "bring more greens to the table" because "eat more greens" is just too presumptuous. it presumes i already have my greens at the table and that all i have to do is actually eat them. but i don't and i also rarely cook 'cause I like to spend my day doing nothing and that is why there is a big possibility of my children ending up wasted and that is why my dogs are dying of cancer.
3. Stop biking. Biking's totally made me crazy last year. i think it is the root of all evil so I'm gonna stop doing it for now and see where it gets me. so far i haven't touched that torture device for several weeks now and I have never felt this great in my life! Biking is evil. Biking is masochistic and people who love to see other people biking are sadist. biking makes for a sado-masochistic society! it makes total sense. People pedaling on two wheels are menace to society because they destroy the very thread that binds this society together, which is morality (because they are sado-masochistic). biking is immoral and it is my goal to shoot every fucker i see on bike. oh wait i don't own a gun. Maybe i should just run them over. but i don't know how to drive. I will ride a jeepney and pay the driver 10 times more than what he earns for every fucker on a bike he runs over. Yes, that is what i am gonna do.
4. Take care of my dogs. On my way home yesterday there was a dying dog in the middle of the road. he was hit by a speeding jeepney, 2 cars ahead of us. when we passed by the dying dog, a fresh pool of very red blood was just forming. i almost cried in the jeepney but i stopped myself because it's not right to be emotional in public. then i came home to find our family dog, the best dog in the world, lying by the stairs leading to the main door, wagging his tail like he was asking me to pet him. i never pet the dogs since i had children because both kids are weak in their lungs. but i didn't have my young son at that moment with me because i am an irresponsible mother and i left him with some stranger again, like i always do; i had the chance to come and pet our herniated favorite dog. I saw that one of his balls was slightly larger and misshapen (in addition to his hernia) so i touched it. it felt "lumpy" than the usual and it doesn't move when i poke it. I mean, the balls didn't move which is weird because balls are supposed to jiggle the way a water balloon jiggles when you poke them. But i could be wrong. how would i don't? i don;t have a fucking pair of balls. So i touched my dogs balls (wait, that doesn't seem to sound right) and it felt like there was an avocado stuck inside the scrotal bags. Then I concluded he has testicular cancer and he might die soon. I decided i could devote time to taking care of him. Well, probably after i quit my job. and run over the fuckers on bike.
5. Throw away my old eye make up. I already did. and bought new ones. so this is a success and for that i would like to end this post.
FIN.
as you can see, being a really good planner i did what every aspiring good planner should do: i made a very SMART list. SMART isn't just anything, it's the magic mnemonic for specific, measurable, attainable, relevant and time-bound. i could also make that better by making it SMARTER, adding evaluate and reevaluate but one year i think is too short to be smarter so i'd better stick to just being SMART.
1. Quit my job. I know. This one might not be very SMART and a little difficult to attain. There is a big possibility i'd fail in this but i'll keep the list handy just in case I forget. I've been trying to make up reasons why having a full-time job is the key to happiness but apparently it isn't. studies show that women/mothers are happier without a full-time job. It's true. Apparently, devoting one's life to motherhood keeps the depression at bay. Proof:
See! Women who quit their work are happier than billionaires! That makes me so depressed now. I'm totally doing life and motherhood wrong. Also, a mother without a job saves the household a lot of income since the mother can do what five nannies and 10 household helps can do. imagine all the savings.I couldn't sleep thinking of all those money that could have gone into my children's college fund. i'm so guilty now.
2. Eat more greens. Yeah, i was vegetarian for a while when i was still without children. then son came and all he wants to eat are abodo and pork chops. i felt compelled, even if i know it was very very wrong (just think of all the animals we are killed for this steak!), to serve him these pork, the meat dishes every time. Then i lost my mind and went on with the killing spree by eating the meats alongside my meat devourer son. But I've since "moved" (i am constantly moving, like a hummingbird, or like a bike because bikes need to constantly move so the rider does not fall) to my mother's house i was opportuned with the best things, like my mother's magic garden that sprouts all kinds of greens imaginable. With that, i have no other reason not to eat more greens. if only i could muster doing some actual picking but yes, that has to happen yet. maybe i should change it to "pick my own vegetables" or "bring more greens to the table" because "eat more greens" is just too presumptuous. it presumes i already have my greens at the table and that all i have to do is actually eat them. but i don't and i also rarely cook 'cause I like to spend my day doing nothing and that is why there is a big possibility of my children ending up wasted and that is why my dogs are dying of cancer.
3. Stop biking. Biking's totally made me crazy last year. i think it is the root of all evil so I'm gonna stop doing it for now and see where it gets me. so far i haven't touched that torture device for several weeks now and I have never felt this great in my life! Biking is evil. Biking is masochistic and people who love to see other people biking are sadist. biking makes for a sado-masochistic society! it makes total sense. People pedaling on two wheels are menace to society because they destroy the very thread that binds this society together, which is morality (because they are sado-masochistic). biking is immoral and it is my goal to shoot every fucker i see on bike. oh wait i don't own a gun. Maybe i should just run them over. but i don't know how to drive. I will ride a jeepney and pay the driver 10 times more than what he earns for every fucker on a bike he runs over. Yes, that is what i am gonna do.
4. Take care of my dogs. On my way home yesterday there was a dying dog in the middle of the road. he was hit by a speeding jeepney, 2 cars ahead of us. when we passed by the dying dog, a fresh pool of very red blood was just forming. i almost cried in the jeepney but i stopped myself because it's not right to be emotional in public. then i came home to find our family dog, the best dog in the world, lying by the stairs leading to the main door, wagging his tail like he was asking me to pet him. i never pet the dogs since i had children because both kids are weak in their lungs. but i didn't have my young son at that moment with me because i am an irresponsible mother and i left him with some stranger again, like i always do; i had the chance to come and pet our herniated favorite dog. I saw that one of his balls was slightly larger and misshapen (in addition to his hernia) so i touched it. it felt "lumpy" than the usual and it doesn't move when i poke it. I mean, the balls didn't move which is weird because balls are supposed to jiggle the way a water balloon jiggles when you poke them. But i could be wrong. how would i don't? i don;t have a fucking pair of balls. So i touched my dogs balls (wait, that doesn't seem to sound right) and it felt like there was an avocado stuck inside the scrotal bags. Then I concluded he has testicular cancer and he might die soon. I decided i could devote time to taking care of him. Well, probably after i quit my job. and run over the fuckers on bike.
5. Throw away my old eye make up. I already did. and bought new ones. so this is a success and for that i would like to end this post.
FIN.
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